Single

Things about living alone/being single that I love:

1. I have the bed to myself. I get all the covers, and all the pillows, and all the room.

2. I don't have to close the door when I go to the bathroom.

3. I have the shower all to myself. And the shelf space is all mine for all of my conditioners, shampoos, body washes, soaps and poufs.

4. I don't have to shave my legs if I don't want to.

5. When I buy sweets, I don't have to share. (My ass shows this.)

6. I can walk around with no bra on.

7. The remote is all mine!

8. I can do what I want, when I want.

Things about living alone/being single that suck:

1. I have to kill all the spiders and bugs. Last spring I had to catch the mice too! Yuck.

2. When I'm sick, there's no one to take care of me. Or at least go to the store and buy me some Pepto-Bismol.

3. I always have too much leftover food. When I'm craving Hamburger Helper or Manwiches, I wind up with more than half leftover. When I buy a loaf of bread, I only use half before it gets stale. When I have to get a minimum of $15 of Chinese food in order for them to deliver, I have too much food. And because I'm so spoiled, I don't really care for leftovers. Oh, and Crockpots are not for single people.

4. I have to pay all of the bills.

5. I am an idiot when it comes to putting stuff together with drill guns and bits and shit. I know how to use a screwdriver and I can hammer a nail in the wall, but that's about it. This is why I don't buy anything from Ikea.

6. I am responsible for cleaning the apartment. This sucks. Yeah, I'm that lazy.

7. If I choked, there's no one around to give me the Heimlech Maneuver. I don't even have a chair that has a back high enough to do it myself. I think about this every time I eat Jolly Ranchers.