Without

So now that my niece is born, my full-fledged baby fever has returned.

Part of me was just starting to come to terms with the fact that I may never have my own baby. And before anyone thinks "But wait, you still have time!" , yes I do, but not much. I'm almost 35, and if I found a husband and got married tomorrow, I still might not have enough time. I have to face the well-known fact that after 35, there are more risks involved and more fertility problems. So while everyone tells me to ignore the possibility that it might not happen for me, I'm going to be the realist that I am and not lie to myself. I'm not saying that I don't have hope, but I was really starting to try to get used to the idea that I might have missed my chance, or that God didn't intend for me to be a mother, or whatever the reason would be.

And I'm really tired of people giving me alternative "solutions" (like it's a simple problem that they can fix). I am sick of hearing:

1. "You can adopt." Okay, but it's not that easy. And I don't have money. And maybe I'd like to have my own biological child. Maybe I'd like to experience pregnancy and everything that comes along with it. Does anyone ever think of that? Or am I selfish for wanting these things?

2. "Just get pregnant." Then I remind them that I'm not married and I don't have a boyfriend. "You don't need one of those!" Umm, excuse me for wanting a traditional family and having some values.

3. "You can take fertility drugs." Again, I'd need a husband and money, both of which I don't have!

All I want is for someone to understand and not try to solve my problems with unrealistic solutions. I just want someone to understand how I feel.