Hell on wheels

Sooner or later I was bound to tell a tale or two about my horrible commute to work via public transportation. Taking the bus makes me hate people more than I already do (thanks to you shitty tippers/assholes at work). I should note that the bus that I take is one of THE worst routes ever...complete with dreary scenery filled with boarded-up houses, drug deals in plain sight on corners, trash everywhere on the sidewalks. And the people that get on the bus? More trash. Also, the smell of fucking chicken boxes and Chinese food that people eat/have in their greasy bags makes me want to puke!

Stupid/Rude Things People Do on the Bus:

1. If you have to cough, sneeze, sigh or do anything else that might dispense your yucky particles into the already sickening atmosphere, for the love of God, COVER YOUR MOUTH. I'm so tired of being breathed on, sneezed on, and coughed on by the person behind me! Gross!

2. Ever heard of my "bubble"? No? Well, it's the immediate outside area of my body and DON'T GO NEAR IT! Even if you're physically capable but just too fucking drunk to hold your balance while attempting to sit next to me.

3. Why do you have to take up two seats with your dumbass self and then your stupid bag/purse/chicken box? There's no more seats left; I've been on my feet all day...Move that shit or pay for two seats!

4. Why do you have to take up two seats with your huge dumbass self? Half my ass is hanging off the seat!

5. So it's okay if you want to let loose, dance in your seat, and stomp your feet with your headphones on at 10 in the morning, but do you have to do it next to me, causing an earthquake in our seats while your bulbous ass spills onto my thigh?

6. I don't understand why some idiots wait until THE LAST SECOND to get off the bus, after other people have already gotten off, driver is closing the door..."I'm gettin' off!!! Hey!" Usually people that do this take a year getting their things together, dropping shit, stumbling off after nodding off a gazillion times during the ride, leaning out into the aisle just fucking out of it. Oh yeah, that's what doing hard drugs does. Fun times!

And the men? These are for you:

7. I swear I HATE men that cannot respect personal space. If one more presses his fucking legs and thighs against mine one more time I'm gonna elbow him in the balls!

8. When I'm sitting and a man is standing on a crowded bus, if one more positions himself with his fucking crotch in my face one more time, I'm gonna elbow him in the balls!

9. I could not believe my eyes when I saw a man in the very front of the bus, old ladies everywhere, looking at a nudie magazine like it was just the New York Times. Except you don't have that fucking drooling-wolf look on your face when you read that...God that made me sick! And nobody else even noticed!

10. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE make sure YOUR FLY IS CLOSED when you get on the bus!!! I have seen this more and more lately...WHAT THE FUCK? Is it that easy to forget to do, or is it intentional?? Either way, yuck..You look like a pervert! ZIP IT UP!

Take the bus...if you dare.